


The Cagney Tarantino Gang

by PR Zed (przed)



Series: Bisexual Sweary Old People [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, M/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Snark, bad language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-05 01:25:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12180195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/przed/pseuds/PR%20Zed
Summary: The Avengers are swearing like Brooklyn boys from the '40s, and it's all Steve and Bucky's fault.  Tony's not having any of it.





	The Cagney Tarantino Gang

Clint does it first.

When he splinters his bow over a killer robot's head, Tony can't resist the challenge of making him a new one that's lighter, stronger and easier to draw. 

Tony finishes the bow three days later, and gives it to Clint on the Avengers' archery range. Clint immediately nocks an arrow and releases it, hitting the furthest bulls eye on his first try, before he's even had a chance to sight the bow's aim.

"Thanks, Tony," he says with an appreciative smile. "That's really fuckin' nice of you."

Tony stops and scowls. 

"You've been spending time with the old people, haven't you?"

"Who?" Clint blinks in confusion. "Oh. You mean Cap and Bucky? Yeah, they're pretty fucking great."

Tony slinks away without another word. He's not about to admit that finding out Cap swears like, well, a fucking soldier gets to him. He'd never hear the end of it. 

Natasha does it next. 

She and Pepper spend the day out shopping, and Natasha stays for dinner. Tony orders sashimi from his favourite sushi place, their fish on a par with the best he's had in Tokyo. Natasha takes one bite and her eyes nearly roll back in her head.

"Jesus, Tony, that's the best fucking thing I've ever tasted. You've gotta tell me where you got it from. I'm going to eat there every fucking night."

"Jeez, Nat, did the Bowery Boys get to you, too?"

"I don't know what you're fuckin' talkin' about, Tony," Nat says. Her grin tells a different story.

Tony grimaces and ignores Pepper's giggle.

But when Pepper does it, that's the worst.

She's trying to get him to approve a new acquisition, but it's boring business stuff and he hates boring business stuff and he's been avoiding it for _ages_. So, she finally plonks the M &A team's package in front of him, page after page of tedious numbers and legalese. He'd rather work out the physics behind the Chitauri wormhole than read a due diligence report. 

"Don't be such a fucking baby, Tony," Pepper tells him. "Just read the fucking papers and sign the fucking agreement."

His jaw is still hanging open when she laughs with her head thrown back, and then strides out of the room.

"Jesus," he says, dropping his head to his hands and wondering what he ever did to deserve this.

"Your blood pressure has spiked alarmingly again, sir. That's been happening frequently lately. Are you sure you don't want me to book an appointment with your cardiologist?"

"I'm fine, JARVIS." He takes a deep breath. "You're not going to start talking like the old people on me, are you?"

"Well, Sergeant Barnes has been encouraging me to, and I quote, 'swear like a fucking limey,' but I have so far declined."

"You keep right on declining, J."

* * *

It must be the movie nights. That must be how the boys from Brooklyn are sowing their linguistic chaos in _his_ tower.

Ever since they invited him and Pepper over for dinner, Steve and Bucky have been hosting movie nights every Friday. They've been working their way through Tarantino, with occasional side trips into the films of Sam Raimi and John Woo, and a smattering of gangster films of the '30s. Pepper has developed a soft spot for Jimmy Cagney.

"We're watching Yankee Doodle Dandy tonight," Pepper says. She's changing out of her business suit and into yoga pants and a t-shirt, her usual uniform for movie nights. "Steve met Cagney, when he was doing the USO shows. Said he was a hell of a nice guy, for someone from the Lower East Side. You should come."

"What the hell is Yankee Doodle Dandy?"

"It's a musical. Cagney plays the guy who wrote the song. Who apparently was also born on the fourth of July. Bucky thinks that's fucking hilarious."

Tony clamps down on a wince and shakes his head.

"Nah. I've got some stuff to do."

"It's Friday night, Tony. Nobody works on Friday night. _I_ don't work on Friday night." She leans a hand on one shoulder. "And you know Steve and Bucky aren't going to bite you, right?"

"I know." He shrugs off her hand and looks anywhere but in her eyes. "I just really have to do… something." He's a goddamn genius and he can't even come up with a credible lie. Pathetic.

"Suit yourself." Pepper drops a kiss on the top of his head. "See you later."

After she leaves, he opens and closes files on a new propulsion system, the latest arc reactor, quinjet wing dynamics, the Chitauri wormhole and a recipe for chilli fries, without really reading any of them. He paces the living room, staring out at the Manhattan skyline, wondering what the hell has got into him. He's faced down aliens and supervillians. Why do two bisexual sweary old people have him so spooked?

This is ridiculous. He puts down the pen he's been nervously twirling through his fingers and heads for the door.

JARVIS lets him off at Steve and Bucky's floor without a word. He can hear music drifting in from the living room. He arrives in time to see Jimmy Cagney tap dancing down a staircase like it's the easiest thing in the world. It does something to him, seeing a guy known for playing gangsters float effortlessly down a staircase like he was born to do it. He stands there, frozen in place until Steve finally turns and sees him.

"Tony!" The smile that lights up Steve's face ignites a warm glow in Tony's heart. "You made it!"

"Pepper said you weren't coming. She said you were working on something," Bucky says, and if his smile isn't quite as brilliant as Steve's, it's just as welcoming. "I'm glad you made it."

Tony feels something turn and slot into place in his chest.

He's been an idiot. 

All this time, he's been thinking that the Steve and Bucky from his father's stories, the ones in the history books, the soldiers he's hero-worshipped since he was a boy, stalwart and heroic and totally without flaws, were the real deal. That the men in front of him now, profane and clever and not giving a rat's ass about what anyone thinks, were an affront. But he's had it backwards. The stories were a lie. The Steve and Bucky in this room, who swear and tease and are so at ease that they're sprawled all over each other on the couch, _they're_ the truth.

"I finished up early," Tony says, doing his best to keep his voice steady. "So I thought I'd join your Cagney Tarantino gang."

"Yankee Doodle Dandy's over." Steve nods to where the credits are scrolling up the screen. "But we could watch White Heat."

"White Heat's great," Bucky says. "Cagney's a real hardass son of a bitch in it. You'll fucking love it."

"Yeah?" Tony says, grinning back at the pair of them. "I bet I really fucking will."

**Author's Note:**

> Come visit me on [Tumblr](http://trappingsofzed.tumblr.com/).


End file.
